Married to pastor – the life, challenge and normality.
It never gets old…at least not to those asking me this question.
If you’re married to a guy who pastors a church, someone has likely asked you the same question at one time or another.
Here’s how it plays out for me: “Sister Teri, what’s it like being married to pastor?”
Well. Maybe they didn’t call you “Sister Teri”. But, I bet someone has likely asked you some variation of that question before. Yes?
Usually, in my case, it’s teens, millennials or some other “yungins” who are curious.
Not sure what it is about my face that leads them to think I’m interested in such a goofy question. Still, every now and again, I get it. No, I don’t understand it, I just mean I get asked it.
It really doesn’t bother me all.
Truthfully, I think my husband’s position leads them to think he’s some ethereal figure…like Moses of Elijah. Maybe they think He walks around the house in his cleric robe speaking in a loud voice like Charlton Heston in “The Ten Commandments” or something.
If he did, I’d lock him in the garage.
The “bleh” of a normal marriage to a pastor
No, our reality as pastor’s wives is far from glorious most of the times, isn’t it? In fact, it’s plain dull mostly. At least mine is – it’s blissfully normal. Sure, like every other wife, my hubby “fries my cheese” and can work my nerves at times. The title “pastor” does nothing about that. LOL
For example, he forgets to take the garbage out like most husbands. Yeah, that’s what’s it’s like being married to pastor. *hehehe*
And, it still shocks me that a man who sits among dignitaries and preaches to hundreds still has a hard time loading a single dish into the dishwasher after he uses it. I give up on that one. It’s never going to change. LOL I still love him though. 🙂
All this said, being a pastor’s wife is not exactly the same as any other wife’s journey. I know that.
My husband’s long hours are not typical of most men. His hours mean I manage the home life and I’m OK with that. It’s our rhythm and it works for us. My doing so means he gets to have a family and a home. So, after he serves God’s people, he may have a place that’s all his to retreat and recharge.
Like most people, he and I have had our blissful ups and our horrid lows.
Yet, we remain committed. Committed to our vows and committed to one another. I think that’s a blessing, but it doesn’t make us very special or different from most couples.
A woman’s husband could be a banking executive, truck driver or work at Walmart. Still, I’ll bet she could relate to most of what our lives entail.
Ok. Tell me the truth, Girl
I can’t let go of this one.
I am dying to know, though, does your husband
find the dishwasher by himself or do his dishes land in the sink?
Or is that just my dude? Spill the tea and lemme know I’m not alone.
Back to the blog post.
The peaks and valleys of being married to pastor … or any man are just that – peaks and valleys. They are just life and no one is exempt from life.
Life in itself presents it’s highs and it’s lows. Marriage just a part of that dynamic, regardless of what your hubby does for a living.
But, let’s be real. I’m not blind.
I know our lives carry special challenges and problems. Let’s be real.
Being married to a pastor means I shoulder quite a load right along with him and I don’t mind one bit. The Kingdom is his ministry while he is (part of) my mine.
One day he’ll stand before the Father and give an account of how he managed the sheep. I believe I’ll stand before the Father to give an account of how I managed my home and ministered to the under-shepherd.
I’ve found myself in his call – not lost myself. He’s part of my destiny.
So, I gladly wipe his tears. Encourage his heart when he’s down and put his dish in the dishwasher. I share his secrets.
When he needs to vent, I listen and dead bolt the conversations into the vault of my soul – never to be spoken of ever again. Secrets are crucial to a woman married to pastor.
It’s Supernatural (and I’m not talking about the TV show with Sid Roth)
I carry part of the load and it is by design. That load is not completely of this world. When you marry a man of ministry, it places you on the “front lines” of spiritual warfare by default.
Like it or not, you have a target on your back, Sister.
The enemy often tries to use us to weaken our husbands. I totally get why he does. It’s really brilliant strategy.
After all, this is war. Spiritual war, pastor’s wife.
Oppressing us, could weaken our husbands’ ability to minister and bring the “good news”. That’s what the enemy wants to do – he wants to steal, kill and destroy. How much easier it is to do it when the Word is inhibited. The Word is power!
I try not to fall for that foolishness. But, I almost did back in the day! But, no more!
Just like a deer that really does pant for water, I must have the Lord’s presence strong and upfront in my life or I become a whiny, needy coo-coo nut.
I need him like a newborn needs her umbilical cord .
Just today, I was battling a heavy spirit. I have been battling it for a few days. So much going on.
But, God is faithful beyond measure!
I am so thankful for the power of the Holy Spirit. He is real.
This morning He led me to Psalms for some incredible scriptures that spoke right into my situation. After that, I turned on John Maxwell’s sermon on courage. Boy, that’s powerful! Find it on YouTube.
Before I knew it, I was regenerated. Oh wait!
I also listened to Dr. Myles Munroe’s sermon on confidence. Find that on YouTube too!
Here is how it played out:
God’s Word + Prayer + spiritual teaching = peace and strength for the day!
The best happened as the day went on. Later in the day I fell into the sweetest spirit of worship in my car. Extemporaneously, I began thanking God for all He is in my life and all He is doing in it.
“Thank you, Lord for the peace that passes all understanding”
“Thank you, Lord for loving me and being with me always”
“Lord, I thank you for making my face like flint and enlarging my steps under me”
“Thank you for protecting me and that no weapon formed against me will ever prosper!”
“Thank you for the angels that encamp around about me”
“Father, thank you for favor that surrounds me like a shield”.
This is literally the flow. I remember it like it was five minutes ago.
I sat in my car for a few minutes and worshipped Him long before I even went into my office. At first, I was concerned someone would see me. Then, I thought “who cares”. I needed that presence of God and supernatural fellowship to give me strength that very moment.
About that time, the scripture from Isaiah 61:3 just dropped into my spirit: “….the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness,”
The Holy Spirit led me into spontaneous praise. It worked! I felt so much lighter and from that moment, my smile was genuine for the rest of the day (not just in faith). You know, sometimes we do have to smile in faith, don’t we?
Later that day (like on Sponge Bob)
When my husband came home, my countenance was joyous and I know coming into that atmosphere has to encourage him. It has to bless him. I pray and work to make home a place that he enjoys walking into.
Do you see why we have to be totally submitted to the Lord? We are in the front lines of battle and the enemy wants nothing more than to attack us, weaken us and ultimately destroy us. I’m smarter than that. I have my own warring strategy. I know in Whom I believe and greater is He than he that is in the world!
Pssst… again, the enemy is after all men and women. So, even my spiritual battle isn’t specific to me or my husband. We all have to be wise and loving.
Being married to pastor is no different. I just get a parking spot, that’s all.
Maybe the next time someone asks me “what’s it like to be married to pastor?”, I’ll say
“It’s like being sold out to God and pursuing Him passionately so my spirit can be strong and my marriage can thrive.”
Ummm wait! Actually, that should be everyone’s journey, right?
Guess, I’m not so special after all.
Big image time (for Pinterest). *hehehehe*
Married to a Pastor.com is a blog for pastors wives focused on offering encouragement for a pastor’s wife as well as insight on being a pastor’s wife…from one pastor’s wife to another.