As a pastors wife, you have an important role in leading and supporting your church. To maximize your own success, it’s essential that you understand the key responsibilities of this position and develop techniques to excel in them. To be a successful pastors wife, you have to be a successful Christian and a successful person too.
Here are seven keys to success for those married to pastors. Note: I often don’t include the apostrophe in “pastor’s wife” as part of search engine marketing strategy. 🙂
1. Remember your priority is to God first, then your family and church
While being a pastors wife can be an time-consuming role, it is important to prioritize your relationship with God first. Devote yourself to daily time in prayer and bible study and make sure that you attend church regularly with your husband or by yourself.
After maintaining your spiritual well-being, focus on your family. Your personal life should also be centered around your faith, as this will provide an example for the congregation of how to live a fulfilling Christian lifestyle. To be a successful pastors wife, you have to have a regular, set aside time to be the with Lord.
2. Support and be aware of the demands on your husband’s time
There is NO way around it, Pastor’s wife. Our life is one that’s great sacrifice.
Our husbands aren’t working regular 9 to 5 jobs. Even if they have a job outside of ministry, the pocket of their life that is being a shepherd I’ve got people is going to be consuming. I do believe the pastors must find ways to balance things so that families are not neglected.
At the same time, I’m smart enough to know this doesn’t happen often. In my experience [and I am not an all-knowing sage] the pastor’s wife is the glue that fills in many of the gaps his ministry call creates.
Even with us trying and supporting, building God’s kingdom is all-consuming. Do you agree?
At any rate, your husband has been called to serve in ministry, and he needs your support to be successful. You are an important part of this equation.
It is critical to recognize the demands of his call and pour into him the love, respect, and support that he needs.
Sure, he can get love and support at church, but it will not be as salient and relevant as the love and support you provide as his wife. Early in my marriage, I remember a pastor telling me that I hold such influence as my husband’s wife. I pray that you realize you do too.
Don’t let anything compromise that influence. Throughout the years, I learned that nagging can genuinely compromise it. About that time, I discovered I do much better praying about some situations and letting God convict him than I did by always nagging and badgering him.
Respect that there may be more demands on his time than what you two could have ever imagined going into this area of ministry, and make it a point to carve out time for just the two of you.
You two need that time to bond and grow together. My husband and I are not regular date people. We like to do things at home together when no one else is here.
Usually, it’s in the mornings that we have the best conversations.
Be sure to find what works for you and your husband. He needs that time with you. You need it too to be a successful pastor’s wife.
A pastor’s wife should also regularly communicate with her husband about decisions made in the church and ask questions, if needed. I don’t want you to get lost in his calling.
While I don’t often advise, I do talk to my husband about what I observed and the needs that need to be met. You have an intuition and sensitivity to the Holy Spirit. Utilized it to support and help your husband with his vision.
3. Spend time with God each day to connect and get strength
As a pastor’s wife, it is essential to stay connected with God.
He is your ultimate source of strength and will help you through times of hardship and trials. Spend time in prayer each day and make time for Bible study and reflection–even if it means abandoning some of your other daily activities.
Sometimes I have been guilty of neglecting my time with the Lord and it definitely shows. When I do, Church becomes a burden instead of a blessing.
That is because I can call carnal and see it only as an obstruction or a distraction to our family. Whenever I feel that way, I know that I’ve lost touch with God’s voice.
Being alone is it the Lord, gives me perspective and helps me see the blessings in the sacrifice.
When you take the time to connect with God, He will fill you with the courage and conviction to face challenges head-on.
Make no mistake about it, there will be challenges. Lots of them. Some days you may hate that you’re a pastor’s wife. I wrote about that here. But you can handle them as long as you stay close to the Lord.
4. Learn from other pastor’s wives through mentorship or workshops
No one said being a pastor’s wife was easy, right?
But you don’t have to shoulder the workload alone! Connecting with other pastors’ wives is a great way to learn practical tips, share ideas, and gain encouragement for difficult days.
I created a Facebook group for pastors wives, the social media becomes a snare for me. It becomes a time waster. It also affects my mood because there is so much negativity online.
With that said, I’m not terribly active in my Facebook group. But I do know there are others out there that you can find and they will help you so much. However, do not let this be your only source of connection with other pastors wives. You need people you can call and talk to you and get support when you need it.
At the same time, it could be that support for them as well.
Consider reaching out to those in your church or community who can mentor you through your journey or participate in workshops designed specifically for pastors’ wives.
These resources can help guide you as you continue on your path to becoming an effective and pastor’s wife.
4. Put a healthy self-care routine in place for personal growth
Self-care should always be at the top of your list when it comes to making sure you are successful as a pastor’s wife.
I don’t think people talk enough about the value of self-care. It’s important for us as successful pastors wife just as it is for everyone else. Honestly, I might say it’s more important. A life that requires so much sacrifice must be balanced with self-preservation and care. It’s not selfish to care for yourself. It is necessary.
Regularly set aside time for yourself to recharge and stay balanced. Incorporate activities like journaling, mindfulness practice, family adventures, reading, or any pastime that brings you joy into your schedule! Protecting margins in each area of your life is essential for avoiding burnout and experiencing personal growth–no matter how busy things get.
For most of us, this is a challenge. So I’m gonna give you some ideas.
Enjoy some aromatherapy. At 3 to 6 drops of your favorite gentle essential oil to a bath been sleeping in taking many deep relaxing breaths. Think of all your blessings and God’s mini provisions. And inhale the calming fragrance of something like lavender or chamomile or peppermint.
Pamper your footsies. I purchased one of those massaging Jacuzzi things from Amazon. It was one of the best purchases I’ve ever made. I love to soak my feet and let the water bubble around them. It’s a wonderful self-care experience. Then sometimes I will roll a golf ball under my foot for two minutes. It’s a great massage because my feet are already relaxed from the water.
Get a professional facial. One of my goals is to do this once a month. There is something magical about a professional facial. I’ve had it done before and my face looks so wonderful after. Besides, it felt wonderful getting it done.
I love a good mask. You can also mask at home! Give yourself one regularly. You can purchase one make one. My grandmother used to use egg whites as a face mask. She would just be them up and put them on her face. I’ve done that for years and it feels so good. It’s something about the tightening that is soothing. Another option is a Brewers yeast mask.
1 tablespoon Brewers yeast
2 teaspoons of milk or cream for dry skin.
Combine the ingredients to form a paste. Add a little more or less liquid if necessary.
Spread it on your face and let it dry.
Once dry rinse it off.
Sometimes the mask has a bit of a tingle and it’s OK.
But if it stings rinse it off immediately. Remember, I am not a doctor. I’m just sharing what I do for my skin.
Milk your eyes. When you feel stressed, two cotton balls are cosmetic squares to icy cold milk or whipping cream. Squeeze them a bit but leave a lot in the pad or cotton ball. That slide into your eyes for 5 to 10 minutes. The fat provides a moisturizing treatment for the delicate skin under your eyes and it just feels good. I also wonder if lactic acid or something. Either way, it’s so relaxing.
My final tip for self-care is if it feels good to do it. Every day at 1:30 I have a calendar appointment pop up. It is called joy container.
I learned this tip from a television personality. Essentially the joy container pops up every day on my calendar and gives me permission to do something that brings me joy at that moment. Sometimes it’s just getting up and walking around. Other times it’s enjoying a nice treat. Sometimes it is even just stopping in breathing.
The best form of self-care is doing what feels good and enjoying it when you do you.
Now, go forward and be a successful pastors wife and enjoy the journey and your life too!