Have you ever questioned the power of Christ to make you whole – I mean REALLY whole where there doesn’t seem to be so much broken or missing in your life? The most miserable pastors’ wives can relate to what I’m saying because they are either there, have been there or unbeknownst to them are heading there. Life happens and it can really make you feel hopeless. Even with all I know about God, I’ve felt that way.
Don’t judge me, fellow Pastor’s Wife. But, sometimes I am exasperated by myself. I wonder why I don’t do more of “this” and less of “that”. I lament that I sometimes feel “this way” or “that way” about life, people, and sometimes even God Himself.
Disclaimer: This is not one of those super “holy” posts where everything is roses and Honey Nut Cheerios. I’m talking some real talk here.
Sometimes, I do wonder “why does this happen, Lord?” or “why do I feel this way, Father?” Here’s one: “Lord, why does he/she do that?”
Look, I’ve been in those seasons where I don’t feel like I’m enough or that I even remotely measure up to all that is expected of me.
Some people may never feel that way – or at least they hide so deep in their Christian platitudes they won’t admit it.
Nevertheless, I will confess it and will do it without an iota of shame.
Miserable pastor’s wives have hope in Jesus
No fakery in my pastor’s wife game!
Maybe this level of transparency doesn’t bother me because I’ve been VERY broken in different seasons of my life. I’m talking crushed into pieces.
For instance, when most of my family died, I was utterly broken.
When I suffered forms of loss, I was sometimes annihilated by it.
That’s not all. Sometimes, my enemy is…well…ME!
Like when I keep messing up in my daily life, I have, at times, doubted the power of Christ to ‘fix me”. What if I’m really a cracked pot beyond repair? Ugh.
Examples of my stupid mess-ups are:
Why don’t I memorize more of the Bible?
Why am I not doing more?
How come I don’t always feel like going to church? (Yes, I said it)
Why don’t I send more cards to people?
Those thoughts crush self-image and one’s personal sense of worth.
Have you ever felt you were just too far from the “mark” you wanted to reach or live up to? If so, you may understand.
Plus, I lied on Twitter @GodsyGirl :0
If you follow me on Twitter, you’ve noticed my cover says that I am a former hot mess. I think I have to change that soon.
Truth be told on any given day all of us are still very much a hot mess. The only difference is we have the holy spirit guiding us and the grace and love of the Father sustaining us.
Understanding and internalizing these truths prevent me from becoming discouraged as a pastor’s wife trying to live up to all I think I should and all I think the Lord wants me to be.
It’s often difficult to walk in our calling as pastors’ wives when we feel broken and/or inadequate, right?
Yes, I’m a mega-hot mess being regenerated by the Holy Spirit.
Thank God for the grace that covers me… and you too, right???
Makes me think of one of my favorite scriptures – John 6:12.
It goes like this:
When they were filled, he said unto his disciples, Gather up the fragments that remain, that nothing be lost.
In this all too familiar scene, Jesus fed a multitude of folks and each one was satisfied.
That’s just like Him, right? He does all things so well!
After they were all finished eating, He said: “Go get the pieces so we don’t waste anything.”
What about our “pieces”, Sister?
I’ve spent this whole post telling you about my feelings and my “pieces”. Thank God He gathers them just like in the story.
This means the things that have made me broken or keep me broken are not wasted thoughts or feelings. God can do something with them. He has the power and the intention to use them for my good and the good of the Kingdom.
Isn’t that super good news, Pastor’s Wife?
The very thing you aren’t proud of that makes you feel “less than” who you want to be is something God can use.
It wasn’t a waste – that horrible thing you endured.
It is not a waste either – that loneliness you feel. It’s going to be gathered up so it’s not “lost.” In the mayhem of your existence.
Please don’t let your fragments cripple you, First Lady/Pastor’s Wife-Girl!
Pastor’s Wife, if you view those fragments in a defeated light,
the outcome might be not only inhibiting but also tormenting.
You can become depressed, bitter, judgmental, critical, self-righteous, mean, and uncompassionate – all because you nurture unnecessary broken “pieces” in the interiors of your spirit. Ask me how I know!
I know from personal experience, that’s how. I’ve been there.
I’m so glad Jesus didn’t discard my brokenness as useless or some sort of “waste.”
Instead, He healed (and continues to heal) them He is bringing wholeness, so nothing is ever lost in my experience.
Oh yeah, the best part is: He has the supernatural power to take all those fragments and birth a ministry from them! Or give you a commanding testimony so someone else can have hope for their own fragmented life!
Now for what you and I need, Pastor’s Wife Sister.
The fix…
Have you ever purchased a set of shelves for your home?
If so, you likely remember carrying that long, heavy, skinny box home. As you heard the clunking and jingling of the pieces inside, you may have wondered how in the world all those pieces will transform into the beautiful shelves pictured on the box.
Nevertheless, you go ahead and open it.
As you remove the box’s contents, what is the first thing you search for?
Is it the corner piece?
The screw?
Bubble wrap?
NO, GIRL!
You look for the instructions (or at least you do if you have any sense!)
The instructions are the only logical way to create the item you saw displayed at the store.
You simply can’t do it without them! Lord help the manufacturer if you cannot find the instructions! After all, that’s the most important part of your purchase!
Here is how you’re a Shelf, Christian Woman!
Just like that unopened box, we’re often a bunch of “pieces” rattling around in the “box” called our bodies.
For God to successfully utilize our fragments, we have to do exactly what a smart person would do in the shelf scenario. We have to turn to the instructions.
You know to what I’m referring – yes, the Bible.
The Word of God is the key to making sure our fragments are not wasted and that we walk in wholeness.
Our divine set of personalized “instructions” will get us to the completely assembled state of wholeness we all crave and long to be in.
Oh well, that’s another blog post for another day. 🙂
As a pastor’s wife and a woman I want to be all God says I can be.
It says I can be full of:
“…love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, (23) gentleness and self-control.” Galatians 5:22-23
The Word of God also says I’m a super victorious, loved pastor’s wife!
Proof right here:
“we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.”
Romans 8:37
You must spend time in God’s Word for your fragments to be used for His glory. If you don’t you’re in danger of those very same fragments making you someone you don’t want to be.
Someone bitter.
Someone jealous.
Someone selfish.
Someone oppressed.
Someone arrogant.
Someone prideful.
That time with the Lord will help you gather the pieces left by life’s journey. Don’t neglect that time. Run to it. Play it audibly if you must. Whatever you do, confess your broken areas and embed God’s Word in your heart so he can cement them together again.
You’ll be a more powerful pastor’s wife and a powerful, whole testimony of God’s amazing ability!
Have you ever listened to Christine Caine? She so “gets” brokenness.
I actually wrote this post before finding her video. God is so amazing, right? Right????
God tells me He wants to make my husband a pastor. That means he either finds another woman, or I become a pastor’s wife. My mother left and divorced her pastor husband because she hated being a pastor’s wife. I have never liked the secondary role women are required to accept in marriage and society. We are considered less important. At least now I have my freedom and self-respect as a rather free and independent, married woman. But being a pastor’s wife looks like imprisonment and constant torment of my already shattered ego. Maybe my husband will divorce me, but I doubt that as we have always been pretty true to our vows. This doesn’t look good for me. Donna.
I’m so sorry, Donna. But, let me assure you if he goes into ministry, God will give you the strength and support you need. As your days are, so shall your strength be. I’m living proof of that!
You trust God with your soul, trust Him with this too, Sweet Sister.
I’m rooting for you and praying.