The real deal: pastors wives and mean church people

Pastors Wives and Some Jerky Church People

Crazy church people and the pastors wife (no offense:)

This is real talk. You cannot  allow the expectations of the congregation to inhibit or stress you, Pastors Wife. Do you hear me? I mean it. It’s not worth it. When you do, the mean people will drive you crazy and the well-meaning people will wear you out!

Just obey God and follow His plan for your life, your unique role and your ministry.

You’ll always have people who say you’re doing too much in the church.

And you know you’ll also have those that say you’re doing too little.

Ignore them all. Don’t worry about the mean people.

Follow the Holy Spirit’s prompt…exclusively. Find yourself a mentor or accountability partner (outside your church) and YOU DO YOU!

The very people who criticize you may be gone in a year.

God is your guide.

He is your Navigator.

Don’t fret or stress the eyes on you.

Take with a grain of salt those folks “in your business” with tons of advice for you, YET, have never walked your path.

I’m often astounded by people who always want to tell me how to manage my role when they, themselves, have never once been a pastor’s wife.

They have no clue what this journey entails. They have no clue what service I lend behind the scenes. Sometimes, my husband doesn’t even know!

Often, I will make hospital visits or something and not even tell him. God is my audience, so I often don’t even feel the need to tell him the stuff I do. Sometimes I do, other times I don’t. That’s just me.

Pastors wives and mean people
Psalm 37:8

Remember this in both your life and your ministry: everyone doesn’t get to speak into you and how you live your life …especially if they have no idea about it.

Stressing folks is a waste. Also, it can affect you in really bad ways.

Some eat.

Some won’t eat.

Others are grouchy or mean.

Still, others become critical and judgmental of everyone and everything.

but, I think the worst outcome of stress is illness.

Research says stress can break down your immune system. Stress can also contribute to depression.

So do not fret over these church people, senior pastors wife. Love them. Serve them, but keep your bearings.

Live your life and do whatever God tells you.

One last bit of advice…




Always be kind to God’s people and love them. While doing so, remember, none of them should control you or your life.

Your daily peace is hidden in your obedience and submission to the Lord.




Follow your destiny!

Note: I have no reason for writing this. I was just kind of led to write it. Everyone of my church is treating me wonderfully. Just thought I’d better say that because I’m so passionate in this post. LOL

pastors wives and mean church people

Here it is: my humongous image.  You gotta pin it. 🙂 

pastors wives and mean church people
Talking pastors wives and mean church people

Married to a is a blog for pastor’s wives offering encouraging words for pastor’s all wives as well as deep insight on being a secure, confident pastor’s wife. It’s all love from one pastor’s wife to another.


  1. I needed this! Thank you!! Lead pastor’s wife here. Large DC church. Struggling. Never had anxiety issues till this year. I seriously may read this every day from now on!

    1. I’m so glad, Robin. It can be such a daunting role, but remember 1. take it one day at a time 2. keep your eyes on Jesus (not people and not even so much on hubby). 3. remember whatever you feel, it’s not unusual because some other pastors wife in history has felt that way before. Consider joining. my group for new senior pastor’s wives on Facebook.

      And if you ever need to vent, we’re always here and I’ll keep this blog going until Jesus comes back. 🙂 <3

  2. I agree.

    Pastor wives should be seen like how God view be themselves. Mind you, that it’s stereotypical for them to be perfect but why should they be that way for the congregation? In that case,it should be the same for us.

    There was a church that I once attended and I noticed how the pastor’s wife seem antisocial..not really into interacting with the people. I admit, I was like ” she doesn’t seem engaging” but as time passes, I realized that no two people are/ should be alike.She is who she is .. seemingly real. Besides, I’m not be on all-day socialization myself.Who am I to judge.?

    Some pastor’s wives put on a front because of their husband but are very different when they’re away from the church. I respect people who are real whether I agree with them or not.

  3. I was a pastor’s wife for 20 years and this article would have been so valuable to me back then. No one dared to talk about how difficult the role is and most of all the people in the church…(I could write a book about comments I received) I’m in my senior years now and living a peaceful life alone and very happy. God bless all you pastor’s wives…be yourself and find a friend outside the church (that was great advice!) ❤️

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