Pastors Wife Blog for Church first ladies

Me, Married to a Pastor?

Sometimes, I can’t believe I married a pastor! Several years ago, I married a senior pastor. It was not a job I applied for. Love just found me. However, it still shocks me that I walked into the fishbowl of ministry life. In fact, had someone told me I would be married to a pastor one day, I would have walked away from them without so much as a “have a nice day.”

I was not the “perfect” candidate to be married to a pastor.

See, I had been a single mom for over thirteen years and enjoyed a rather obscure life.

Sure, I had friends, but my life was comfortably simplistic and uncontested. Not one for drawing attention and being a bit of a “control freak,” I loved having my life controlled by, well, me. I didn’t feel I had any of the characteristics to be married to a pastor.

I showed up on Sundays, served in my church sometimes, and I loved my life. Further, I was one of those people who said a few “hellos” after church and darted for the exit.

Back then, I attended a megachurch, lived in a big community, and had grown accustomed to the “invisibility” of my life.

But God had another plan for me and my pre-teen son, Ben. My relatively simple and predictable life was about to change. Read about my journey.

married to a pastor

What a journey it has been!

Then, he dropped out of the ceiling…

Well, not literally. But, a charming and upcoming young pastor and I shared a mutual friend.

After relentless attempts to introduce us, I became the “victim” of a quick setup by Kevin and an even quicker courtship courtesy of my husband! Shortly thereafter, I became “Mrs. Pastor” and walked into the “twilight zone” of being married to a pastor.

It really seemed like a “Twilight Zone,” and I learned quite a bit early on.

For example, I learned that pastors’ wives and the congregation experience God’s grace to love far beyond their experience and imagination.

It’s like He gave me a supernatural love for my new church family. I can’t fathom how this happened. It’s beyond my comprehension.

It’s like when you have a baby; you think all your love is taken and poured into that child. Then, you have another one and discover there is magically more love to bestow on the second, third, and fourth baby.

It must be a Holy Spirit thing. I don’t know.

The key is to be yourself.

Another thing I’ve learned after I was married to a pastor is that clothes and appearances mean more to people than they should. My advice is just to be yourself, Girl, and you’ll be fine.

This was the first and best bit of advice my mother-in-law gave me. She told me just that in her North Carolina drawl: “Just be yourself.”

She also told me not to let my husband boss me around, but that’s another post. 🙂 Trust me. That has not been a problem. At all!

Anyhoo, people will love you for you.

I likely scare some people with my jeans on Easter and big afro, but who cares? I’m being me! Ask me why I wore jeans on Easter Sunday. It’s a story I love to tell. Being married to a pastor didn’t change me. Jeans is my thing!

married to a pastor

Pastors’ wives must be close to the Lord.

My own intimate walk with Christ is the most critical element for my success as a pastor’s wife (and as a human being, for that matter).

Without a strong prayer life, I’d have nothing to offer in ministry.

Plus, I’d likely hang people by their toes (hubby included) for getting on my nerves! Keep that walk with Christ strong and consistent.

Trust God with your heart and your feelings.

Love people freely without fear of rejection.

As I always say, the Bible has no job description for our role as pastors’ wives, so take the pressure off and simply love God’s people in a way that is comfortable for your personality and temperament!

Make no comparisons between how much people liked the pastor’s wife before you.

Just love in your own way and your own light.

Married to a Pastor.com is a blog for pastors’ wives focused on offering encouragement for a pastor’s wife as well as insight on being a pastor’s wife…from one pastor’s wife to another.

One comment

  1. I’m not a pastor’s wife..as a matter of fact I love being single but I have a crush on a pastor and seemingly,it’s the same with him.

    Whenever,I see him ,I’m like ” Why did he have to be a pastor?”. If you ask me if I would want to be a pastor’s wife,I would tell you know and still will say that same for myself. I’m the natural,I’m a person who don’t like the” limelight.” I could be wrong,but to be one , you’re expected to be social, be hyperperfect for your husband and the church, be there like a police officer ..7 days a week ,as mentioned on this blog, get your clothes from an expensive store and without trying to come off as negative, I wouldn’t want to become trouble as some people will accuse you as being an opportunist/ possibly, other women getting jealous of you getting him.

    Joel Osteen will say ” In the natural” ,.expecting one thing and coming out to be another. In the natural,I would be afraid to marry a pastor but if God want u to be with that guy, he will make it that way. Far as church? I’ve always gone since the age of 6 and the church I’m attending on and off since I was also a kid. Ironically,I didn’t attend because of him. The pastor just grew on me.

    I’m considering leaving the church because of it. My thoughts are hypothetical but if he asked me out,I think I would have to turn it down. In my case,I don’t think I wouldn’t make a good pastor’s wife.

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