Being a pastor’s wife

Welcome to life in the fishbowl, Pastor’s Wife

Being a pastor’s wife has lots of twists and turns, but you get used to it over time.

I think the secret to keeping your peace lies in locking your eyes on Jesus and not on the folks looking at, analyzing, and watching your every move. We know they are out there…lurking…watching…peeking.

“Being a pastor’s wife”

Pastors’ wives on the radio

Yesterday, I was blessed to be on a radio show. The topic was basically being a pastor’s wife and the manifold challenges we manage and encounter being married to our husbands.

Let me tell you, it was one of the most exhilarating conversations I’ve had the privilege of being a part of. The conversation included the host (a former minister’s wife), the pastor’s wife from my childhood, and, of course, me.

The dialogue about being a pastor’s wife was open and honest. The only limitation on the candor was that of time. We talked…I mean TALKED…about the “real deal” of being married to a pastor.

One thing I had hoped to convey and strive to do daily is to perform my life for an audience of One. You know who that One is. I already told ya. ?

The experience also taught me the importance of a support system of women who understand your path. People who have never been in our roles can never begin to comprehend the “walking out” of it. But, women who are in, or have been, in our position can almost finish each other’s sentences We so “get” each other. It’s such a good feeling being around someone like that.

God blessed me with several friends who are also pastor’s wives. I’m so grateful for them! I’m thankful for my other friends, but the the pastors’ wives in my life augment the journey of that particular part of my life.

Don’t worry about people, Pastor’s wife.

In our role, it is incredibly easy to fall prey to the “spotlight” and live our lives for other people. They are always watching. If not careful, we can begin to live for their praise, acknowledgment, validation, and recognition. What a huge mistake!

I remember when I married my husband. I did just that. Being a “jeans and t-shirt” sort of girl, I tried to change my style to fit into his traditional black Baptist church. I bought what I call a “clown suit” to wear on a Sunday. It had shiny stuff, gold embroidery, and even made a weird sound when I walked.

It was NOT me.

During the service, I had to hit the lady’s room. As I walked, I felt like God was like “Girl, what are you doing in that outfit?”

I felt so silly. I looked even sillier. I blog a great deal about the whole clothes thing. Check our a post here.

Anyway, I hadn’t been married five minutes and I was already leaning toward being a people-pleaser. Sad.

Needless to say, I couldn’t wait to get home, run up the stairs to get out of that suit! I couldn’t wait to give that thing to someone who would like that style of dress. I likely wore jeans the next week just to recover. That’s me.

People are fickle and frail. We can’t allow them to control us intentionally or unintentionally.

Plus, people do “people” things. They talk, hurt one another, and can be judgmental (and just plain”mental”) at times. That’s just us as humans. So, please don’t hinge your hope or self-image on their perspectives (or expectations) of you.

God has called you to serve Him and Him foremost. It’s all about Him- about HIM- plain and simple! The moment we start looking at “people”, we lose our perspective.

It’s all about Jesus, anyway, right?

Even our outreach and ministry to others is to please our Father. We take those many phone calls because we love God and His people.

We go out at night to encourage someone because we love God and His people.

We listen to problems because we love God and His people.

We pray for people because we love God and His people.

We tolerate our husband’s crazy schedules because we love God and His people.

Our spiritual performance is our humble sacrifice to Him.

Sis, everything you do, wear, say, and give is for His glory and honor. His eyes are the only ones that matter in the end.

If we love Him madly, we naturally want to love our husbands.

We naturally want to love God’s people.

We naturally want to serve, not be served.

So, if no one has done it yet, allow me to say “WELCOME!” to life in the fishbowl!

Hey, want a confidence boost? Listen to this snippet from John Gray.

It’s not directed at us, but I think it applies to being married to a pastor too.

Being married to a pastor in the fish bowl of church

Married to a is a blog for pastors wives focused on offering encouragement for a pastor’s wife as well as insight on being a pastor’s wife…from one pastor’s wife to another.


  1. I am so glad I found this because I am a young pastor’s wife only three years into this I was 30 and pregnant when my husband was ordained pastor and even though I was confident and supportive in my husband’s calling I was a bit foggy about mines. Because my area was singing and music ministry that was my area. So I appreciate this a lot.

    1. I think we are always in the journey of figuring out how to navigate things. 🙂 I know God has a wonderful plan for you as you matriculate through the seasons of marriage and ministry. Be sure to check out my latest post on just that subject. I struggled miserable in those early days and it reflected on how I responded to my hubby. But, God was faithful and I’m 100% in my purpose and that feels good!

      Wishing you the best and thanks for stopping through and commenting. Also, I’m a hobby blogger, so sorry for the delay. LOL

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