As the wife of a pastor – or a senior pastor’s wife – developing and maintaining trust between yourself and others is essential for your relationship with your spouse, the church staff, and the congregation. Learn about why trust is important and how it can be cultivated to strengthen and sustain relationships.
What is trust as it relates to pastors wives?
Trust is the foundation upon which relationships are built. It is a willingness to depend on, have faith in, and be vulnerable with someone else. Trust is not something that can always be seen or blindly assumed but must be earned over time through consistent behaviors and communication. The question becomes, how do we garner others’ trust The answer is simple – by being trust-worthy. When trust is present, it opens up channels of communication and safety that allow mutual respect to flourish, leading to meaningful and lasting relationships.
This is precisely why you can not show or share everything you know, Senior Pastor’s Wife.
For me, my goal is to have a poker face during every service. Some things about people’s lives I know, others I do not. My job is to make sure no onlookers have a clue what I know or do not know. In the end, I want to be the type of pastor’s wife people can trust. I want to be a vault.
Why is it important to be a trustworthy pastor’s wife, anyway?
In my life, it is so women can come to me when they need me. Not only that, I want them to be able to turn to me knowing [AND FULLY ASSURED] that I keep secrets. I keep confidences and they can feel secure sharing anything they need to with me.
That’s why trust and the senior pastor’s wife is so important. Everyone should be able to trust us.
To be 100% transparent, I’m not perfect, nor have I figured everything out about this precarious role. It’s hard being us, isn’t it? There are so many tricky situations associated with being a senior pastor’s wife. I don’t negate that.
But, the most important part of my role – so far – is that women typically come to me with challenges and problems. I’m humbled by how much they will confide in me and am equally humbled by the very fact they deem me worthy of knowing intimate details of their lives. This part of my life is sacred. It’s very important to me. I won’t compromise it for anything.
I feel the same way about my husband.
When your husband confides in your, Pastor’s Wife.
Just the other day, my husband said “I’m so grateful I can talk to you about this and get it off my chest.”
He went on to say how much he hates to burden me with ministry issues. I reassured him that it is no problem. I’m his helpmeet. That’s part of my job.
I clearly understand what goes along with that is a commitment to reliability and discretion.
He can rely on me to listen and support him. While, at the same time, sharing what I hear with absolutely NO ONE. I don’t tell my mother, my friends – NO ONE. Prayer is the only time I repeat those situations and even then, it’s in silent prayer.
Sure, it can be hard at times. The burdens can be a lot to carry. My approach is to cast my cares on the Lord and work to stay positive and hopeful. I control my mind so my “burdens” do not become burdens – if that makes sense. Sometimes I am more successful at this than I am at others, but I try. I dare not mislead you. There are times, I’m weighed down by the demands and the request and the …awareness. But, I try to thrust those issues on the Lord and forget about them which equates to trusting Him with them.
Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you.I Peter 5:7
Trust God (as people trust us)
When I have those struggles, I remember trust is more than just a one-time act. It is developed over time as someone has proven themselves faithful.
You know exactly where I am headed.
God has been faithful and he has been incredibly reliable to you. Therefore, when the burden weighs, trust Him to work it all out. Cast it all on Him.
Doing so is an act of faith—believing and trusting that God will provide everything we need in this life and this journey as senior pastors wives.
When we learn to entrust ourselves – and our ministry – to God, it gives us the courage to face any challenge and find comfort in every situation. So seek God’s guidance, invest your time in His Word, and watch as He rebuilds and restores for those you love in the congregation.
When church people confide in you, Pastor’s Wife
Back to our vault identities.
Ministry is service and it doesn’t work when people don’t feel safe emotionally. With this, be ultra careful with data and information. Don’t event share phone numbers with out permission.
Pray for wisdom so you’ll know what to guard and when you need to involve another party.
As you know, many women in our position have wreaked havoc on congregations because of their prideful need to feel important and “in the know”.
That’s a pride issue. Beware of it.
It’s also rooted in insecurity. Grow past that foolishness.
More than people’s praise, you need God’s power.— Teri , Married to a Pastor.Com
Trust, again, is paramount to your effectiveness as a wife, and your value as a woman in leadership. Compromise that to feel “important” to people and you compromise everything.
Your power, strength and individuality come from God and the Holy Spirit. Not from the esteem of people. If people’s admiration comes, great. If not, so what. You’re performing for God and God alone.
So, shhh….guard what you know.
Keep your mouth shut.
Pray and spend time with the Lord so you can get the strength from Him to handle all that comes with being married to your husband. Again, He is faithful and as others trust you, you can trust Him.
Married to a Pastor.com is a blog for pastors wives focused on offering encouragement for a pastor’s wife as well as insight on being a pastor’s wife…from one pastor’s wife to another.