Tips for Pastor’s Wife

A few weeks ago, I posted a humorous slant on what a “grumpy” pastor’s wife might say. I loved your email responses. I can’t believe all of you guys are reading these posts. Maybe I should post more often! I’m glad you’re enjoying my tips for pastor’s wives.

Well, it’s only “right” that I post a serious version of “what a pastor’s wife might say” to ensure that the grumpy cat post doesn’t stand alone, right?

So, here goes what a “mature” pastor’s wife might say in response to the humorous items detailed in the previous post:

1. Instead of “”No, you cannot speak to my husband. He just got home for crying out loud!”

Try this: “Would you mind calling the office to reach my husband, or may he call you later?”

Like it or not, we are often the arbiters of our husbands’ rest and solace. That means we may set boundaries to ensure they have time to rest from their busy ministries. When setting limits, remember to be gentle and living when we set these boundaries, amen? (Remember Proverbs 15:1).

2. Instead of “I have no interest in attending your baby shower, Mary Kay party, Tupperware party or whatever money making scheme is popular now.”

Try this: “I really wish I could, but I just can’t.”

Have you ever considered how blessed you are for people to want to spend time with you? It awes and humbles me that I can be a blessing by just showing up at an event, hospital room or funeral. But, sometimes you must guard your time, your family and your energy. Your first and most precious ministry is to your children and your husband. Be careful of “running around” so much that you have no energy left to minister to them.

3. Instead of: You’re scaring my kids! You may feel you know them, but they do not know you”
 
Try this: Be lead of the Holy Spirit.

Church is family. As a result, people love your kiddos and may even feel they know them more intimately than they do. Think of it, when your family stands before the congregation, lots of eyes see them. After seeing you guys for so long, they feel like they really “know” you guys. It’s that way with all visible people. You may feel like you “know” Oprah, but you really don’t. So, sometimes people perceive that they “know” your kids…but your kids do not know them. For younger kids, they may seem like nothing more than familiar strangers.

Let me say more. As you know, you never want to hurt your church brothers and sisters, but you have to prepare your kids for the fishbowl in which they occupy. For example, my youngest is somewhat shy. Entering church on Sundays were tough for him. The many he walked in the door, he received hugs, high fives and some people would even pick him up. So, I would attempt to prepare him when we pulled into the church parking lot. I would say things like “are you ready?” or “let’s get ready to give some love today!”. It helped him to be prepped for the love and attention. Now, he’s a pro at loving and being loved by his big church family.

Along these same lines, I also had to teach him safety boundaries and re-define what a stranger actually is. For example, I taught him that he should never get into cars or go into private areas with anyone not on our short safety list. It is sad that we must do this, but our church is large. You get the picture.

This Post is getting long. So, consider this a part one. What do you think? What other tips do you have?