I’ve found my own pastors’ wives personal retreat
Some time ago, our church had an event. During these type of events, I usually I sit “front and center” in my normal spot. My husband typically wants me to meet the guest speaker and I often see him point me out from the pulpit. Most pastor’s wives sit in the front row or somewhere near. I think it’s to comfort the husbands or something. The front row is the “HERE I AM” seat for me and nothing of a pastors’ wives personal retreat. 🙂
Sitting in my usual spot just makes sense during special services, revivals and such. That seat is up front and my husband always seems to glance my way and our eyes often meet during services. He likes seeing me there and my mom likes sitting there so that’s my norm.
Things changed. I just wasn’t “feeling” the up front thing. I was OK and all, I just wanted to sit as far back in the church as I could possibly get. I mean the last row!
I didn’t want to feel the lights of the front row, I rather opted to shrink and be revived myself. Nothing was the matter. It was just a weird inkling. So, I did it, usher after usher asked
“Sister Teri, let me take you to your seat”.
Person after person inquired why I was sitting in the back. Even my hubby even looked confused from the pulpit. I didn’t care. I was where I wanted to be and it felt good.
It was like I had a secret spot and I was digging it. I’d discovered the back row is a pastors’ wives personal retreat!
Worship – Just me and Jesus
Let me tell you, each evening of worship was a refreshing and pure experience with me and the Holy Spirit.
That back row ministered to me in some way. I can’t explain it, but it did. I was hiding in plain view and it felt so good. I can’t explain why, but I needed that at that. It was a “exhale” moment somehow and it reminded me of the time when church was just about me and Jesus. That’s it. It wasn’t about meeting anyone, solving any problems or anyone knowing me. A senior pastor’s wife understands this statement.
I think that inkling was God’s first call for me to come away with Him. To steal away; to push back from the busyness in my world. Our lives are so demanding as senior pastor’s wives. We live and manage spotlights, demands and pressure that would quickly “break” the weak. Still, by His grace we manage it.
Sometimes, our lives can become noisy and chaotic. Especially if you choose to work outside the home like I do. Check out my blog post about pastors’ wives working. It’s ironically one of the most popular posts on Married to a Pastor.com!
Back to my basics
During this season, God is calling me to return to the basics.
To enjoy fellowship with Him without the craziness, without the people, without the roles and the expectations. In my quiet time with Him, I’m not mom, not wife, definitely not First Lady. I am just daughter, handmaiden and servant.
The basics. As pure as worship without music. Fellowship without talking. Just He and I. His word in my hand and His voice in my spirit. That’s a real retreat! Ya know?
“Prayer is the key of perfection and of sovereign happiness;
it is the efficacious means of getting rid of all vices and
of acquiring all virtues; for the way to become perfect is
to live in the presence of God.” Jeanne Guyon
I’ll be hiding in plain view more often in church and in life – just Jesus and me.
