Pastors Wife Depression

I wrote about this topic before, but I have more to ponder. Ponder it with me. The topic is pastors wife depression.

First of all, let’s clarify why pastors’ wives often experience feelings of depression. It’s important to remember that they are human beings, just like everyone else.

I know this might seem simple, but sometimes church members forget this truth, and honestly, we pastors’ wives do too.

Like anyone, we can become overwhelmed and feel unappreciated. The pressures of ministry can sometimes throw us completely off balance. Pastors’ wives or church first ladies are especially vulnerable to depression when they’re emotionally, physically, or spiritually out of sync. Remember, it’s okay to be human, and taking care of ourselves is vital. 

How do I define a balanced life for a pastors wife (or anyone)?

A balanced life is when nothing is excessively out of order. For example, a balanced life is when all of the basic needs are met. When a person is physically taken care of, spiritually fed, and enjoys robust social relationships, they are more likely to be living a balanced life.

When any one of these are out of whack it throws everything off. The end result may be depression. At least that has been my experience through the years.

To be clear:

I am not a medical or mental health professional.

I’m speaking from my personal experience as a pastor’s wife for many years. In the hopes of offering another pastor’s wife some perspective, I am giving some “air” to this topic.

Depression is a serious thing.

It’s not simple, but complex. Again, I blogged about it a few years ago.

Pastors Wife Depression

Sometimes, depression among pastors wives is a result of a physical or chemical issue. For stubborn or persistent depression, seek outside help from a professional. Don’t wait.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with therapy or counseling, pastors wife.

Christians sometimes act as though therapy is a dirty word and it’s not.

If someone is sick whether physically or mentally – they need help from a professional in that field.

Marwa Azab Ph.D. wrote a piece called “20 Shades of Sadness: Why Do We Get Depressed?” in Psychology Today. She says depression is one of the “most common mental illnesses today”.  Click the link to view the article.  It’s really interesting.

Anyhoo, it is common!  Depression is nothing shameful!

Depression is not an indicator of weak faith. Conversely, seeking help is more of an indicator you are wise enough to make your own wellness a priority.

Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. Psalm 43:5″

Biblical champion [Apostle] Paul even “despaired of life” at one time. Check out 2 Corinthians 1:8!

Something is very wrong with the mindset that believes Christians should never be depressed.

We are living through both a human experience and a spiritual journey. It’s natural that depression among pastors’ wives can sometimes occur—just like catching a head cold again—because, after all, we are human!

So, pastors wife depression is not such an odd thing.

What I do when depression creeps into my pastor’s wife life.

Full disclosure: I do not suffer from clinical depression, only occasional overwhelm.

My pastors wife’s depression is often caused by just being beaten down in my life.

Not to beat a dead horse, but if I did, I would seek help for it without shame or inhibition. Point made.

Back to what I do about seasonal depression.

When I feel a sense of depression, I first assess what might be out of alignment in my life.

I usually begin with assessing myself physically.

When the “pastors wife depression” occurs, I ask myself: am I eating a lot of junk food?

The answer is usually yes.

Something about sugar really throws me off. Too much bad stuff affects my mood and demeanor.

Another consideration, is caffeine.

Girrrrrl, if I am drinking too much coffee I do tend to get anxious and act a little hyper – like a sugared up toddler!  Does that happen to you too?

Along the same lines of physical wellness, I also check to see if I’m exercising or moving around enough.

Dr. Eleanor Lisbon, a Christian sister, taught me exercise releases chemicals that aid and prevent depression.

When she went through an incredible season of loss. I remember her telling me she intentionally continued to exercise during that season of grief.

I never forgot that.

Her mom was a pastor’s wife for many years and likely knew something about the phenomenon of pastors wife depression.

Now, I’m not talking about going to the gym killing yourself on the elliptical, I just mean moderate activity can help with depression. That’s the physical part to consider.

Emotional: Reconcile that your marriage is different, Pastor’s wife.

Another reason pastors wives are often depressed is that they view their husbands through the lens  “normal” husbands.

My life became so much easier once I finally realized my husband is not like other husbands.  His job alone requires so much more of him than a man working at, say, a bank or company. This takes a different toll on my family and my marriage.

My husband’s also takes a toll on him physically, mentally, and emotionally. Once I understood this, I realized our marriage is going to take a different shape from my friends’ marriages.  This is especially true if their husbands are 9 – 5 men.

I am not married to such a man.

Life got so much easier when I finally realized my husband is not like other husbands.

Once I fully understood (and accepted) this, I realized our marriage is going to take a different shape than my friends’ marriages to men with normal jobs.

Regimented “date nights” are not easily a part of our lives. Someone dies in the church, and we have to rethink our entire plans. It’s my “normal”

Indeed, my husband and I have to sneak away during the day or morning to spend time alone together.

Those are our date times more often than being able to go out every Friday on a date night.

So, once we understand and accept the fact that our husbands “do” life differently, we will be more at peace with ourselves, our role, and our marriages. That’s my opinion.

Now… next is the mental element of pastors wives lives.  This is so critical.

This is very important.

Sometimes, you just need to empty your brain and still your body.

You need to turn off the television.

Quiet the noise.

Remind yourself what silence sounds like.

Allow yourself to hear that still small voice the Holy Spirit uses to talk to us. It’s during these times we can meditate on God’s Word and chill.

Prayer is a huge part of any spiritual wellness component.

As you pray to Jesus, you’re able to cast your cares on Him and trust Him to work out those things that concern you.

Prayer is a beautiful exercise in communion with the Father.

If you are not spending time with the Him, you will be depressed eventually.

You’ll tell yourself “there must be more to all this?”  The more is Jesus. I’m sorry for the bluntness, but it’s a fact.

Here’s why we can have a case of pastors wife depression:

You see, we each have a God-shaped vacuum inside our soul.

It yearns for God. It cries out to Him. It naturally longs for Him.

The human soul was created for connection with its Creator, and when we deprive ourselves of His presence, we can easily become disjointed and depressed. This isn’t just about feelings—it’s about spiritual alignment.

Just like a pastors wife depression can stem from being emotionally and spiritually overdrawn, every Christian can feel a similar heaviness when we neglect consistent time in God’s Word and in prayer.

Our spirit begins to sag under the weight of daily life, and without that divine refreshment, we feel empty, drained, and lost in our own thoughts.

Again, our pastors wife depression may not always be clinical—it can sometimes be the natural cry of a soul that’s homesick for its daily fellowship with God.

So, there you have it, Pastors wife!

The reason many pastors wives are depressed is because they are out of joint physically, mentally, spiritually and their expectations of their marriage are a bit unrealistic. 

Thanks for reading!