Some encouraging words for a pastor’s wife.

Hey there, Wonderful Pastor’s Wife! I’ve got some encouragement just for you. I want you to feel energized, inspired, and motivated at the end of this post. Let’s see how I do. You can let me know in the comments. 🙂 Or not. Your choice. I want this entire blog to provide encouraging words for a pastor’s wife, but this particular post is one I want to be LOADED with encouragement for you.

If you’re not a pastor’s wife, no need to read on. Visit GodsyGirl for encouragement just for you!

Well, encouragement for the pastor’s wife is so necessary because it is a difficult, trying, challenging role. Right?

Certainly, this is a role that takes a deep-seated emotional and spiritual toll on you. Yes, it’s hard, sometimes, and encouraging words are helpful. I also think such words are best delivered from one pastor’s wife to another.

Sure others can encourage us, but it’s something about hearing encouragement from someone who is going through the same experiences you go through.

So here it goes… my humble effort to inspire and validate you and myself too!

Encouragement is most effective when it comes from someone who understands the struggles. You give up your privacy, your time, your husband, and your family. Even if you are not super active inside your church, do know, that you’re giving so much to it.

Pastors wives sacrifice their plans, hopes, dreams, family, and their husbands. Click To Tweet

Earlier this week I was thinking about just this very concept. You see, my husband was out of town on a ministry trip.

To make matters worse, I was home with a broken foot and the reality of it all hit me. The intensity of my sacrifice has always been massive. I’ve accepted that. But, this time, part of me wanted him to stay with me instead of leaving town.

To be fair, he’s made cancellations for me since I’ve been in this state. He’s kept me fed and has done the best he could. He’s done a good job.

However, on that day, I was having a “moment”, that is all. Have you ever had a moment? You know, I mean a MOMENT!

Anyway, what good would it have done if he had stayed home with me? What’s he going to do? Nurse my foot? Bring me dinner? No, that’s stupid.

Truthfully, had he stayed he would have bugged me and I would have eventually been thinking “Boy, go to the office. LOL

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Still, my allowing him to leave (while smiling and wishing him well) was a sacrifice I made for the Kingdom. I’m not a needy or clingy person. So, I was okay.

Besides, God’s grace carried me through as it always had. A high point was when the Weavers (a pastoral couple at my church) called me and said “What can I bring you for lunch?” That blessed me so. My cousin sent flowers and my others called and texted me often. I was supported. My oldest son was my mainstay and my youngest worked it all like a champ. My bestie, Cheryle, had my back. God provided just like He always does.

Back to the subject: I married a man of unusual purpose and vision and that means he’s always in the “building” process. That’s why his name is on a statue in our city. He’s served, worked, and made a difference. I’m proud of him for that.

Hey, I’ll bet you married such a man too and know exactly what that “drive’ is and what it means. It means one word: sacrifice.

With this in mind, let me share something that helps me, Pastor’s Wife.

My church has a”fellowship” breakfast for new members so they can meet my husband and I in a casual, intimate setting.

During that time, people almost share heart-rending stories about how my husband’s ministry has touched them, helped them grow spiritually, or reconnected them with Christ.

I usually melt in my seat because the stories are so moving and so overwhelming. Sometimes, I look over at my husband like “Wow, you’re not just the dude who squeezes the toothpaste from the wrong angle!”

Each testimony puts “flesh and blood” to my sacrifice. It puts skin on it. It makes all the things I thought I missed so worthwhile.

All those times my husband left, he impacted a person…a life. All the times he studied, he was making a mark.

That single mom with a baby who is struggling and losing hope finds hope in my husband’s sermons.

That man fresh out of prison who is trying to find his place in the world says he can understand the Bible and prays now…because of my husband’s ministry.

The person who says he was suicidal before coming to the church … yes, it makes it all worthwhile for me.

It reminds me I did not marry a “typical” guy so I can’t have “typical” expectations of him. Do you see where I am going? The most meaningful encouraging words for a pastor’s wife is she’s making a difference by supporting her husband.

My life is different is because
HE is different.

Yours is different for the same reason.

The world is comprised of so many different types of men. 

Some are called to do ordinary “normal” stuff with their lives like work an ordinary job, come home at five or six, and mow the lawn each week. Nothing wrong with that at all.

Other men are called to giant visions and tremendous callings.  Maybe they see a school where dirt now sits.  Or maybe they see a brand-new building on an abandoned lot in the inner city.  These types of men are different.  

Their life call prevents them from coming home at five and plopping in front of the TV. Something in them burns white-hot and they always have numerous ideas swirling through their brains.

These fellas are from a different cut of the cloth (no pun intended ). Again, our men are uncommon.

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Pastors are no better; just different.

To be clear, let me say, neither man is any better than the other man. The two types are just different from one another and experience life differently.

Consequently, it’s usually those “ordinary” guys who execute the visions of the visionaries, or else they’d never come to fruition. The “ordinary” men are the tithe payers, the deacons, the helpers, and the supporters. Men of vision couldn’t do what they do without those men. Again, neither is better than the other. Clear? Good.

Let’s talk now about what all this means for you and our encouragement, Pastor’s Wife.

Since we did not marry ordinary men…

Think for a moment. Whenever you read a book about any man who has done something masterful, great and far-reaching, do know it came with costs.

If he was married at the time, a woman – just like you and I- stood beside him, behind him, and in the wings motivating and inspiring him to greatness.

Often passed over, frequently ignored, and likely undervalued…she stood in her “call” and in her position of supporting his vision.

Examples… you need examples.

"By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher." Socrates Click To Tweet

Are you blessed by T.D? Jakes?

You know his wife, Serita Jakes, was (and maybe is) likely without him many a day as he traveled around the country.

She was probably consistently without him as he stole away to write his books, create movies and plan his sermons.

Along the same lines, she likely missed him miserably in those early days of his ministry when he would go to hospitals, prisons, or other places requiring his presence. In small churches, pastors do everything. He likely did too. I’ll bet she understands the sacrifice.

Do you value what Rev. Martin Luther King did for our world?

If so, I don’t have to tell you his wife spent lots of nights without him, holding it down and taking care of the children all on her own.

Picture it. She had to go to school and church events alone. She had to clean the house alone. Bathe the children…alone and manage to do so looking good and seeming strong. But, I know the humanity in her had to surface from time to time. Think about it. Yes, she sacrificed too, Pastor’s wife. Whenever you think of all he accomplished, remember her sacrifice.

Barack Obama is another one.

Whatever your politics, the Obamas have a marriage most would envy.

As much as he and his wife seem to love one another; his early days were filled with community service. Then, once he got into Congress, you know she didn’t see him as much as if he worked a 9-5 gig.

Moses had a wife.

Moses from the Bible is another example. He was married. Imagine how hard his wife had it. She would lose him for months at a time. As he was leading complaining, whiny people to a place no one understood, he was likely gone a lot and up there on that mountain. She was there. Making the same sacrifice you and I make every day

What’s my point and what does this have to do with pastor’s wives?

My point is simple.

If you marry a man of impactful destiny, he is going to be pulled away. He’s going to be driven by his passion for ministry and his thirst for purpose.

You can’t stand in the way of that. It’s too powerful.

What if Coretta Scott King had said, “Look, Boy, I’m sick of raising these kids by myself. You stop that preaching and traveling and stay home with me!”

It almost sounds crazy now, doesn’t it?

Why?  Because we know the end of the story, that’s why.

We know what Dr. King accomplished for civil rights and how it affected people who look like me.  Heck, it affected people all over the world! It affected history!

Had she selfishly halted the process, it would have miserably delayed freedoms that reach from the sixties until present-day society.

Similarly, I have similar opinions about T.D. Jakes’ wife, Michelle Obama, and even Moses’ wife. Had they forced their husbands to make hard choices, they would have taken something precious away from those men and would have negatively impacted their ability to create meaningful change.

Could it be it’s the same with you and me? Could it be your husband is changing lives and making a significant mark on this point in history? 

Could it be?

"Love and honesty are the things that make a good wife and mother." Jada Pinkett Smith Click To Tweet

Here is how to handle pastors always gone or at the church.

First, you have to take your eyes off him and focus on yourself.

Your husband cannot be your source of joy, identity, or comfort. No, pastor’s wife, He can never be. Release him to do his thing and you go ahead and find your own thing.

You’re a smart, creative, beautiful woman.

You have so much in your spiritual belly that needs to come out so others can be blessed by it. Maybe the benefactors will be women in your congregation, or maybe not. Don’t limit yourself either way.

The point is: find your place in this world with your own talents, your own voice, and your own anointing. Then, the sacrifice will have perspective.

Full disclosure: I’m a busy, creative woman and my world does not revolve around my husband. He doesn’t expect it to.

So with that, when he comes home, I make sure he has what he needs (food, companionship, etc) but sometimes, I’m doing my thing and I can’t talk to him at the very moment he arrives. He’s so sweet and completely understands.

If I go speak at another church to a group of women, he gets it. Sometimes, he doesn’t even know about it.

This richness of individuality gives him and me something to talk about when we are together and satisfies the male desire to pursue and chase, but that’s another blog post entirely. Just know, that men love the chase.

Remember, dogs love to chase moving cars (not that I’m calling him a dog). LOL

You get the picture.

Seriously, “who” are you?

Changing the subject, I want you to know you are not forgotten. As your husband pursues his purpose, I want you to be just as diligent and just as “selfish” in pursuing yours. Spend your energy on it. Invest your time in it.

Even if you have to get up early and stay up late. Create. Move. Bless.

Hey, really…DO NOT DO THIS!

Let me tell you what you are not to do: lose yourself and get lost in his call and identity.

You can’t convince me that is God’s plan for you! No, when God formed you in the womb of your mom, He had a plan and purpose exclusively for you.

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you…”
Jeremiah 1:5

Sure, part of your purpose is being with (and beside) your husband, but I dare to think that’s not it in its entirety.

I think there may be more. What do you think?

Instead of standing in the dust of your husband’s proverbial “race car”, make your own dust, Girl.

"Stay true to yourself, engage with your followers, and ignore the critics." Ella Woodward Click To Tweet

In the same way, pay little attention to how the church members view you and treat you.

It really does not matter much whether or not they like you.

What matters most is that you love them, show them kindness, and pursue your purpose.

Pastors’ wives often get so caught up in what the church members say, do, or how they may act. WHO CARES?  You are “you” and they have to take YOU or leave you.

Once you embrace your life position and ministry, you’ll feel comfortable in this stance. You won’t be reliant on their approval or affirmation for esteem or encouragement because YOU’LL know who you are!

You’ll be secure in yourself and can love them freely and openly without needing them to love you back. That’s liberty, Baby!

This is what confidence looks like in real life, pastor’s wife.

God wants you confident. Your husband wants you confident. Shucks, YOU want YOU confident.

Your husband found you to be beautiful and enticing because he saw YOU. Don’t change from being that person because of this new role and all those eyes fixed on you. Don’t allow church members to make you insecure.

This role is to augment your life, not control it. Okay?

Let’s re-cap this blog post of encouraging words for a pastor’s wife:

The sooner you understand you are not married to a normal, run-of-the-mill dude, you’ll feel better about the countless sacrifices you must make.

It will give you confirmation that you’re part of something amazing with Kingdom implications!

Secondly, once you embrace and identify your purpose, you’ll be able to operate in it all with ease and skill. You’ll soon find you can make your own mark on this world and feel super-fulfilled doing so.

Lastly, climb out of the prison of caring what the church members think of you. You don’t have time for that. They will love you and respect you so much more when you set those emotional boundaries and walk in confidence – God’s confidence!

Yep, those are the greatest encouraging words I can give you, pastor’s wife. Pin this post for the next time you need encouraging words to share with a pastor’s wife or a means to encourage yourself!

What would you add to this list?