Hard being a pastors wife

“Is it hard being a pastor’s wife?”

What a question. “Is it hard being a pastor’s wife?”

Someone asked me this loaded question Sunday before service.

With all the pre-service hustle and bustle, I really didn’t have a moment to think before I responded.

You know those moments. It’s when the mind idles on it’s own and words just spill from your lips somewhat independently of all reason and logic.

“I really don’t think of it”, I said. “My main focus is on being a good Christian and wife, the rest is what it is”.

I’m sure lots of women married to pastors would think I’m nuts and say it is certainly hard being a pastor’s wife, but I don’t really find it to be so for me.

Challenging at times … yes!

In what could be a stressful and demanding role, it’s tempting to focus on the challenges, expectations, sacrifices and endless “to do” lists of ministry.

But, in the long and short of it, our lives are all about Jesus and His purposes for us as women, mothers and servants in His kingdom. That’s the carrot dangling ahead of us or at least it should be.

Apart from our husbands, we are “God’s girls”  and being conformed into the image of Christ.

We are not our clothes, cars, church roles OR our husband’s call. We are just broken vessels waiting for the next life-giving touch from the Master – just like everyone else. With that said, I need Jesus and He always comes through for me. Everything else is just…stuff.

The times I struggle with being a pastor’s wife there are usually a set of circumstances contributing to that feeling.

Here are some of the self-checks I do when life seems a bit much:

Me to self:

Am I praying regularly, pastor’s wife?

I don’t mean at the supermarket or in the car while driving. I mean that set aside time alone with the Lord to allow Him to speak to you; to work on your hurting places and to heal you. Often when I think it is hard being a pastor’s wife, I’m neglecting that part of my life.

Am I a tired pastor’s wife?

Oh boy! This is a biggie for me. I’m a bear when I’m sleepy (and I look like one too!)

We when lose sleep, it impacts brain function and that definitely has a role in my sense of emotional well-being. According to a Huffington Post article written by By Alena Hall, the part of our brain affected is the one responsible for “complex behavior and thinking, including regulating emotional experience.” No wonder I make stupid decisions and respond like a mad woman. Lack of sleep messes with my brain function.

Is he neglecting the pastor’s wife?

I am also a bit consumed with the struggle of  pastor’s wife life when my husband isn’t spending enough time with me. I used to try to “suck it up” for the greater good.  No more. If our time has been compromised for an exhaustive period, I speak up. I’m blessed with a very responsive husband who means well, but the work consumes him at times.

All in all, it’s not hard being pastor’s wife … at least for me

You know my stance on this topic, so I don’t need to re-hash it.

I work to keep my life manageable and not allow it to overwhelm me. I keep it simple. Life is only as complicated as you make it. Sure, we (as pastors’ wives) may carry a bit more than most, but such is life.

As we keep Christ first, our role as pastor’s wife, first lady (or whatever) can just fall into place.

Amen, Senior Pastor’s Wife?

Feeling Anxious Or Depressed? Sleep Deprivation May Be To Blame

Thanks for the photo Jennifer Pallian


Married to a Pastor.com is a blog for pastors wives focused on offering encouragement for a pastor’s wife as well as insight on being a pastor’s wife…from one pastor’s wife to another.

Is it hard being married to a pastor?

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