Encouraging words for a pastor’s wife from a pastor’s wife. 🙂
If you are reading this and are not married to a pastor, I’m curious: have you ever thought about how much your pastors wife sacrifices on a daily basis?
Recently, I was thinking about it myself.
As you may know, I am a pastor’s wife, but I wasn’t thinking about myself this time.
Actually, it was another pastor’s wife’ in my life. She gives up so much.
While our role comes with lots of blessings, it can also be laden with intrusions and disrespect.
If you have a pastor’s wife. Put yourself in her shoes for an imaginary moment. Think about what her life may be like beyond the perceived “sparkle” and “glitz.”
For example, the constant phone calls that interrupt her special plans.
How about the sudden ‘news’ that can derail her entire day?
Not to mention the many people leaning on her husband for everything from advice to spiritual support – each one of these adds up to nothing more than one simple word – SACRIFICE.
She lends her entire being to ministry and the sad part is most people assume she’s simply “supposed” to do it. That’s if they think of her at all. The pastor’s wife is all too often taken completely for granted and that’s sad.
Not long ago, a few of my personal friends who happen to be married to pastors posed a shocking, yet very genuine question.
She took quite a risk being so blunt, but we applauded her honesty. It was refreshing for us all.
Anyway, here’s what she asked: “does anyone ever get tired of your husband getting all the praise when you sacrifice so much too?”
I was like “WOW”. She really put it out there – no filter. Whoop! There it is.
Everyone sat quietly around the table for a second. No one seemed to move.
My first thought was: “oh get over it”, but I couldn’t say that because I’ve felt that way many times myself!
My unedited reply to her was something like this:
“Hang in there, Sis. I know what you mean. Husbands are upfront so people relate to them more. But the truth of the matter is most of them couldn’t do what they do with the confidence and strength that they do it without us. We do play a role. Sometimes, this role will test our humility because we don’t get a lot of accolades.
For me, God is my audience. I do all that I do without the need or desire for public acknowledgment. God knows the little things I do to help my husband’s ministry be strong. He knows the encouragement I give. He knows all the hours I listen to his struggles. He knows all the secrets I keep.”
I stopped there. But, I could have gone further.
Time would not have permitted me to say “God knows all the hospital visits I go to that others have no clue about, the people I’ve helped, the places I’ve gone, the times I’ve listened, the women I’ve mentored.”
Jesus is the only One that really matters in the end, Pastor’s Wife.
In the end, we are living for an audience of one – Jesus Christ.
Your prayers sustain your husband in the spirit world and empower him to do what he’s doing. Continue to focus on being an intercessor. That’s more important than anything you could do in the natural!
So hang in there, just like I told my friend. Endure knowing you are making a difference. It may be a difference none see. But, you’re making an impact not measured by man’s barometer but by God’s.
The Lord sees what you do and what you’re able to do. He has grace and mercy for you.
Let me also add to the equation this friend who asked the blunt question suffers from an illness that limits her ability. It’s so sad she felt that way. So sad people make her feel that way. Some of it is her husband’s fault too. I pray God gives him wisdom.
Salvation is free, but it costs.
Hey, in the end, our sacrifice as pastor’s wives is akin to what Carolyn Cofield (my pastor’s wife growing up) said of our Christian walk. She said, “it costs what it costs”. That means whatever it takes to follow Jesus; we must render it for the one Prize that matters.
Truthfully, on some level, every Christian sacrifices something to follow Jesus, right?
If they don’t, then Jesus Christ is not the Lord of their lives.
Hey, when we follow Jesus, we must give up things we hold dear. If you’re a pastor’s wife, that’s time, privacy, freedom, money, creativity, and much more.
But, none of those things are worthy to be compared with what He has in store for us anyway. So, it’s ok. We all have to give up SOMETHING.
When I was a young twenty-something, my “cost” was a gorgeous – but unbelieving – boyfriend. His faith in Jesus was weak and I knew eventually it was going to be him or me. I chose myself and left the relationship so I could live as God wanted me to live. Jesus was worth it. It costs to follow Jesus.
Back to Encouraging words for a pastor’s wife…
Most certainly, we want acknowledgment from time to time. Anyone saying they don’t isn’t being honest. I could be wrong, but I think being valued is part of human nature.
That’s why we get peeved when we hold the door open for someone and they don’t reply with a mannerly “thank you”.
The only issue with wanting what we crave is our acknowledgment may never come from this side of heaven and that’s ok.
People may never say “thank you”.
People may never be considerate in their requests.
People may never understand what your children do without so the church can be blessed.
Jesus Christ is our peace and our validator. He makes our feet firm in this role and gives us the power to walk it out – day by day.
He reminds us our crazy pastor’s wife life is part of taking up our cross and following Him.
It’s the humble sacrifice we lay on the altar to offer Him. It’s the bottled tears just like the ones women would give to their husbands in Biblical times to share their hearts.
As the song says: my worship is for real. It’s real because I say all to Jesus I surrender. Yeah, I give myself away for the sake of the call.
No, I’m not forgotten or overlooked as a pastor’s wife. Jesus sees me.
I stand strong in my sacrifice and I stay firm in the call on my life to give it.
Easy? No, far from it. But, trust me. If you were not married to your husband, you’d have an equally challenging sacrifice to give. That’s just Christian maturity and dying to self. It’s part of the walk we walk.
I titled this post encouraging words for a pastor’s wife with the intent to list a bunch of ways a person can encourage pastors wives. Here are a few in case you’re looking for some ideas:
Thank you, pastor’s wife, for sharing your husband with the church.
Thank you, pastor’s wife, for supporting him as he serves us.
Thank you , pastor’s wife, for all the sacrifices you make so your husband can be our pastor.
Thank you , pastor’s wife, for the burdens you carry because he must be working for the church.
Thank you , pastor’s wife, for your smile and kindness.
Thank you , pastor’s wife, for handling all the demands and requests with such grace.
Thank you, pastor’s wife, for being so loving.
We appreciate your personal, financial and emotional sacrifice for the Kingdom of God.
I’m sure there are so many things you do without for the sake of the ministry; please know I appreciate you.
Here’s the thing: some of these ‘thank yous’ may be in faith. Maybe your pastor’s wife is not a loving person. Who knows, maybe your support could help her be more loving and kind.
If you’re a pastor’s wife like me, I tell you just as I told the sister who felt invisible.
I say to you “hang in there, Sis”. Here are a few more words of support AND reasons you may feel the way you do:
I love blogging encouragement and support for women living the Christian life. Visit other posts for pastors wives (I know I should have an apostrophe, but most people search for this term without one). 🙂
Encouragement for pastors wife – pin now!
Photo by Tanalee Youngblood on Unsplash
Married to a Pastor.com is a blog for pastors wives focused on offering encouragement for a pastor’s wife as well as insight on being a pastor’s wife…from one pastor’s wife to another.