Pastors wives get depressed too. Maybe they get depressed most of all. Living in the”fishbowl” is no joke and pulls on all your resources and all your energy. That can leave you entirely depleted at times. Even if you’re not completely active in the church at the moment, the emotional toll can be draining. Pair that with judgmental people, inconsiderate people, and your husband’s strain…you have a recipe for emotional disaster.
As I’ve said in my other posts, depression is scientific. It’s a science I am not skilled or qualified to talk about beyond my own experiences. I am not a mental health professional. I am a “me” professional. I know what I’ve experienced personally. I know what my friends tell me and I know what I read online. That’s why I blog about it. That’s what I talk about on my podcast (available on Google Play and Apple Podcasts).
Depression and pastors’ wives is a thing.
Here are some of the things I know cause depression. Let me know your thoughts.
Point 1: Mental and physical challenges. Science confirms your emotions don’t live in your “heart”. No! They live in your brain. (Here’s my source).
Your brain can be configured in a way that contributes to depression. Did you know that? It could be totally out of your control …outside of finding medical help, that is. We can control so many things with the right help.
Anyway, please know you are not weak.
You are not “broken”. You could actually be sick and need medication. Seriously.
Point 2: A selfish pastor for a husband. Pastors are often like “dogs on a bone” when it comes to ministry. They can be so consumed with what they want; that they neglect home. This can leave you feeling rejected and inadequate. Add to that selfish church members constantly pulling on them (as if they were Jesus incarnate) and you have a deficit. If this is your life, speak up, Sister. Tell him to balance his life so he can have one outside the church. A wise pastor/husband will listen.
If you are a church member, be considerate of your pastor’s family time.
Hey, I know everyone who reads my blogs are not pastors’ wives. So, I might as well take advantage of the opportunity. If you don’t agree, I pray the Holy Spirit deals with you and gives you a strong relationship with the Lord. Your pastor is not meant to be your Jesus substitute. He is your undershepherd. Leave him alone sometimes. Yes, I said. it.
Point 3: You’re not taking care of yourself. I’ve noticed I get depressed when I’m out of balance. It never fails. You see, I’m a very driven person and can easily take on way too much. The end result is me running on empty… no energy, no emotional resolve, and no patience. This gets me more than the other stuff. I’m an incredibly independent person, so my husband’s schedule rarely bothers me. What bothers me most is the chaos I create for myself. Can you relate?
When this happens, it’s really my own fault. No one sets my schedule but me.
During those times, I simply need to get myself together and incorporate balance into my life a bit more competently. I need to manage play, work, and ministry a bit better. I’m using the present tense because I’m guilty of this as I type these words. 🙁
My physical component can get really off-kilter and BADLY! Sometimes, it’s due to poor sleep patterns or I’m not eating well or moving around enough. Yep, I’m guilty of each one now! I tried the Keto diet and it created some issues with my thyroid (note: for anyone who has an opinion, I have a doctor and don’t need any input, thanks). Since then, I’ve been ‘off the rails with my food intake. No good. Food is like medicine and may affect your sense of well-being and even anxiety. Too much sugar or caffeine can make you feel hyper. At least it can for me. How’s your diet, pastor’s wife?
Hormones also can mess with my emotions. Same if I’m just overwhelmed with grief, loneliness, or stress. Each for me is seasonal, but can really take a toll. In those seasons, I lean on my hubby, my friends, and my family to help me navigate it all. You can be depressed because of hormonal changes.
Then, there is the spiritual component of your life. This is a biggie.
I am a bit fanatical about my prayer time because if I’m neglecting it, it can affect the other two circles horribly.
It’s no wonder Jesus tells us to abide in Him. This means to live, reside, and stay inside of Him. If we don’t we may become depressed, mean, and short-tempered.
Depression is real. Unfortunately, we are not exempt. It’s a sickness and a condition. Whatever is going on with you, when you’re depressed, get some help. Get some help. If it lingers, get help outside your hubby or friends.
It’s a sickness AND a condition. Whatever is going on with you, when you’re depressed, check your “circles”.
If it lingers, get help outside your hubby or friends. Professionals understand how your body works, and how your brain operates. That’s who you need, Sweet Pastor’s Wife!
Them and your loving Jesus.
Hey, soon, I’ll be doing a podcast discussing this in depth. Be sure to find me on Google Play or Apple Podcasts. You can even find and listen online at Podbean or Stitcher.
Married to a Pastor.com is a blog for pastor’s wives offering encouraging words for pastor’s all wives as well as deep insight on being a secure, confident pastor’s wife. It’s all love from one pastor’s wife to another.