You know, I was just thinking. Everything changed.
When I married my husband (a senior pastor) my life changed drastically. I went from being an obscure member of a large church to the mate of a high-profile man of God. Welcome to the fishbowl.
I went from moving far south of my city to moving far east.
I went from being in non-denominational to being Black Baptist.
I went from being a size 6 to a size 12…Oh wait…that’s my fault! LOL
I went from selfishly “jetting” right after church service to staying much later, simply because some people enjoyed talking, sharing or having prayer with me.
I went from being a divorced single mom of a teenage son to a brand new mommie of a new little boy.
Finally, I went from being a professional woman – a manager – to a laid off, pregnant housewife in a whole new world.
I’m sure you see how when I married a pastor my life changed – everything changed.
In all fairness, some of the changes were good, some bad. The good was I made so many more relationships with wonderful people. People love me and support me; I have a great church family.
Then there are the not-so-good-things.
For one thing, it seems now; more people want to be my friend to gain access to my husband. I have experienced this quite often.
Some of my existing relationships were complicated after I found my knight in shining armor.
You see, not everyone remained my friend. I guess some of my “friends” assumed something, imagined something or just didn’t want to continue being my friend after I married. That hurt. I needed those people then more than ever. But, they were suddenly gone. I think it’s a “single” thing. Some single women don’t want to have married girlfriends and vice versa.
Here’s a perfect example:
“I knew you didn’t want me around once you got married“, said one of my old girlfriends several years ago. How wrong she was.
Now, that my husband pastors one of the largest urban churches in our city, I am bit more discerning about friendships. People who suddenly appear and people who suddenly re-appear in my life sometimes raise my emotional antennas. For instance, some of the same folks only seem to call when my husband is on television or in the media. Everything changed.
That’s a little sleazy. It makes me suspicious.
Not that I’m not open, but I am just a little careful who I allow “in”. You know what I mean.
I’m loaded with examples today! Here’s one more: I fully spot when someone invites me to lunch (under the guise of friendship) only to see if they could speak our church’s women’s retreat, get their husband to meet my husband or use our church building! Aaaaah, I can spot that now.
Anyhoo, I’m not trying to whine. But, I know there are other pastor’s wives out there who have had the same experience.
So, take a moment to thank God for those people that will accept, respect and cover you in prayer for the long haul. Your role is demanding, stressful and, at times, lonely. You need strong emotional ties to keep you encouraged and propel you into your holy destiny. Hold tight to the relational “jewels” in your life and thank God for His faithfulness. I know I do.
As for the “hangers on”, pray and see what God wants out o do.