One of the biggest challenges of senior pastors’ wives is the bundles of expectations churches have for the woman married to the under-shepherd. I always say that just because I’m married to a pastor doesn’t I must do one thing or another. It just means I’m married to a pastor. No real job description exist for a pastor’s wife, so churches should be flexible and allow the wife to pave her own way in ministry.
Still, when you’re in the midst of the storm, you know first hand you can’t win them all. For example,
– Some wish you had more education; some think you have too much “learning”.
– Some wish you had a job; others wish you did not work- so you’d be more available.
– Some wish you’d dress like a fashion plate; others wish you’d dress less flashy.
– Some say you’re too involved in church business; others say you’re not active enough.
– Some say your husband talks about you too much over the pulpit; others say “he never talks about his wife.”
One of the biggest emotional and spiritual prisons you can experience is rooted in the expectations of other people. Nothing will cripple you more severely than caring too much about what others desire you to do or be.
Honey, anyone over 25 will confirm “you can’t please everyone”. So true. Don’t try.
Keep your eyes locked, glued and fixed on Christ, and secondly on your husband. Everything else is sinking sand and misappropriated energy. Elevate”people” above those two relationships and you’re positioning yourself for burn-out, depression and worse.
Don’t get me wrong, care about your church family. Cherish them. But, they just cannot occupy those top two spots.
In the end, the only thing that matters is God’s approval and how diligently you adhere to His laws and expectations. He’s your fuel for everything else. Without Him; without His presence you’re spinning your wheels and running on fumes. You’re nothing more than a do-gooder (is that a word?)
Secondly, is your husband. I know he can be a booger, but he’s your covenant partner. Respect the covenant; regardless of his actions or behaviors. Do it unto God. Don’t focus so much energy on pleasing the “church people” that you lose your trust, closeness and relationship with him. By the way, the same goes for him, but this blog isn’t written for him. (smile)
As my grandma used to say “people don’t have a heaven or hell to put you in, so don’t worry about them.”.
Keep your eyes on what’s important. There are lots of challenges of senior pastors’ wives encounter, but if you keep your priorities right, you’ll be just fine. Everything else will work itself out.
Here is something cool, I found online. I agree with everything but #1. In my busy life, you’ll get what you get. 🙂