Some time ago, our church had an event. During these type of events, I usually I sit “front and center” in my normal spot. My husband typically wants me to meet the guest speaker and I often see him point me out to the guest speaker from the pulpit. Sitting in my usual spot just makes sense during special services, revivals and such. That seat is up front and my husband always seems to glance my way and our eyes often meet.
But the most recent event seemed …well…different. Although I was OK, I just felt led to sit as far back in the church as I could possibly get. I didn’t want to feel the lights of the front row, I wanted to shrink and be revived. Again, nothing was the matter. It was just a weird inkling. So, I did it, ushers asked “Sister Teri, let me take you to your seat”. People inquired why I was sitting in the back and my hubby even looked confused. But, each night I sat in my wonderful new “secret” spot.
Worship – Just me and Jesus
Let me tell you, each evening of worship was a refreshing and pure experience with me and the Holy Spirit. That back row ministered to me in some way. I can’t explain it, but it did. I was hiding in plain view and I needed that at that moment. It was a “exhale” moment somehow and it reminded me of the time when church was just about me and Jesus. That’s it. A senior pastors wife understands this statement.
I think that inkling was God’s first call for me to come away with Him. To steal away; to push back. Our lives are so demanding as senior pastors wives. We live and manage spotlights, demands and pressure that would quickly “break” the weak. But, by His grace we manage it.
Back to my basics
During this season, God is calling me to return to the basics. To enjoy fellowship with Him without the noise, without the people, without the roles and void of expectation. In my quiet time with Him, I’m not mom, not wife, definitely not First Lady. I am daughter, handmaiden and servant.
The basics. As pure as worship without music. Fellowship without talking. Just He and I. His word in my hand and His voice in my spirit. That’s a retreat! Ya know?
“Prayer is the key of perfection and of sovereign happiness;
it is the efficacious means of getting rid of all vices and
of acquiring all virtues; for the way to become perfect is
to live in the presence of God.” Jeanne Guyon
I’ll be hiding in plain view more often – just Jesus and me.