married to a pastor

Me, Married to a Pastor?

married to a pastorAbout six years ago, I married a senior pastor.  It was not a job I applied for.  In fact, had someone told me I would be one day married to a pastor, I would have walked away from them without so much as a “have a nice day”.

I had been a single mom for over thirteen years and I enjoyed a rather obscure life. Sure, I had friends, but my life was comfortably simplistic and uncontested.

What’s more, I attended a mega church, lived in a big community and had grown accustomed to the “invisibility” of my life. But God had another plan for me and my pre-teen son, Ben. My relatively simple and predictable life was about to change.

A charming and upcoming young pastor, named John, and I shared a mutual friend. After relentless attempts to introduce us, I became the “victim” of a quick setup by Kevin and an even quicker courtship courtesy of John! Shortly thereafter, I became “Mrs. Pastor” and walked into the “twilight zone” of frontmarried to a pastor line ministry.

I learned the following during my initiation into this life:

– God will give you a grace to love far beyond your experience and imagination. It’s like He gave me a supernatural love for my new church family.  I can’t fathom how this happened. It’s beyond my comprehension.  It’s like when you have a baby, you think all your love is taken and poured into that child.  Then you have another one and discover there is magically more love to bestow on the second, third and fourth baby. As you stay close to the Lord, He will empower you to love His people like He does through His Holy Spirit.

The best thing a pastor's wife can do is be herself. #pastorswives Click To Tweet

Clothes and appearances mean more to people than they should. Just be yourself, Girl, and you’ll be fine. This was the first and best bit of advice my mother-in-law gave me. She told me to be myself. She also told me not to let my husband boss me around, but that’s another post. 🙂 Anyhoo, people will love you for you. I likely scare some people with my jeans on Easter and big afro, but who cares?

Ask me why I wore jeans on Easter Sunday. It’s a story I love to tell. Being married to a pastor didn’t change me. Jeans!

– My own intimate walk with Christ is the most critical element to my success as a pastor’s wife (and as a human being, for that matter). Without a strong prayer life, I’d have nothing to offer in ministry. Plus, I’d likely hang people buy their toes (hubby included)! Keep that walk with Christ strong and consistent.

Trust God with your heart and your feelings. Love people freely without fear of rejection. The Bible has no description for our role, so take the pressure off and love God’s people in a way that is comfortable for your personality and temperament! No comparisons to your how people feel about your hubby, just love in your own way and your own light.

I’m still learning how to married to a pastor, so feel free go share your life lessons for senior pastors’ wives or “1st Ladies”. Post as comments or email me at

In the meantime, I like this post called “10 things every young pastor’s wife should know” by Kristy at

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